Staying up till 3 am

Lights off

Computer on

Hoping to hear the ping

Of connection

Of interest

Of communication.

Pursuant to my last post, I am now going out of my way to click on only the most unnattractive pictures of him when he posts new stuff. Dickies? Yeah, no.

My theory: either I will become a lot more tolerant of man-fashion disasters or I will begin to find them sexy.

Sometimes, no matter how much you want to, you just can't take your mind off another person.

Battle of clutter

Husband is a compulsively tidying person and I'm an OCD slob.



Result? I like my clutter to stay RIGHT where it is, thank you very much and he feels the need for it to at least be contained within certain areas of the house.



Now, when I say slob, I don't mean the health-risk kind. I don't leave food around, or food covered dishes. Just paper, yarn, books, bags, etc



Every last blasted time I go looking for my things only to find he's dragged them off to some other part of the house, the only thing I can think is "Stop touching my stuff! I don't touch yours!"



I admit, it really isn't a very fair thought considering he could pile the house with books and papers and the only time it would bother me is if I stepped on them or they fell on me. He gets nervous and stressed when the house is messy.



I need to learn to contain my clutter.

For those of us who are...

20% of people in relationships are in love with someone who is not their partner

Have you been there? Are you still there?

Why, why, why?

Maybe I'm just too pratical: I married a man I knew loved me more than I could ever love him and who would take care of me the way I like to be taken care of.

The cost of constantly asking your children: do you want it, or do you need it? Do I need OC? No. Do I want him? Oh hell, yeah. Will it ever go away? I don't know. I don't know if I want it to, because maybe it feels like that will be the last desperate gasp of my youth flying out the window.

Practical? No. Human? Yes.

Hallelujah

Sometimes all it takes is a simple conversation to put your mind deeply at ease.

Dear Husband,

THANK YOU! for not being as into anal as you were evidentally pretending to be (thinking that I was turned on by it) Far from being turned on by it, I was starting to wonder if it would be our deal breaker.

So...how do you tell your partner that the thing that turns them on most in the world turns you dry as the Sahara?

No, seriously. How?

There is something to say about the difference between a long term relationship to an Old person versus and Older person.

With an Old person, the decay has already begun. You can see and observe quite tangibly that they're on the decline and make some educated assumptions about the amount and quality of time you're going to have left with them. Generally speaking, you're going to have a pretty good idea of what you're getting into with the relationship and you're willing to take it on.

With an Older person, they're still relatively spry, relatively flexible, relatively healthy looking. Often these people fall under the rough category of "Middle aged" (which I place pretty much between 35 and 55, though I'm aware that it's no longer a very solid description). While this might betray some physical changes for the worse in women (wrinkles, sags, etc), in men it is often the prime of life: they may not be quite so fast or strong as they were at 20, but they're at peak attractiveness for a lot of other reasons. Usually, while they might be exhibiting some health problems, it isn't yet clear if there are going to be a lot of problems later on.

And there's the rub: much like being with a younger person (30-) and Older person is a gigantic question mark, but they are also older. The 25 to your 25 has, without medical conditions and lifestyle taken into account, about the same expected life span as you. The 45 to your 25 is a gigantic question mark with a little -20 written next to it.

In case I haven't mentioned it earlier (forgive me laziness, but I don't feel like going to check) my husband has twenty years on me. He has health problems that are becoming increasingly apparent the longer we stay together and I worry both for him and (honestly, selfishly more) for me.

I don't think it's wrong to be worried about yourself (in this case, myself) in regards to a relationship, but I still feel slightly guilty. I guess that's my Id speaking.

Great Day.

You may recall that I said I'm bisexual and yet wonder at the lack of any mention in this regard.

Well, please allow me to share with you what turned out to be one of the better days in my life due to a handful of links of beautiful Asian women.

Hot Chick Clock App

Hot Chicks (and a couple that may be guys, I think?) in cosplay!


And, just for giggles: Escaping Internet Rehab

Am I the only one who wonders how this guy could possibly pass as a woman?

Your Asian Weirdness for the day.

Bras for Men. (And not even the ones that need it)

Nerds Vs. Bras

Too embarrassed to take action

Wouldn't this be lovely?

I wonder what they do if the parent changes their mind, though...

Simple things

Sometimes all I really need for a warm glowing moment of happiness is hearing him say how sexy I am.


And sometimes all I have to do is thinking about him fucking me over a desk at work.



Sorry coworkers...

Dear OC,

I still have a thing for you, even though I know I shouldn't. I wish you'd never kissed me, that we never talked about getting together. But in a lot of ways I also wish that we'd talked more, been together more, done more of anything. Because while my husband accepts me as who and what I am (a selfish, lazy person with serious only child issues), you always understood why I was that way. We're so similar to each other that you drive me crazy pretty much all the time in both good ways and bad. You're also the only person I've ever felt self-concious around. I'm not sure what to think of that.

The point is now, though, that I need to turn my thoughts elsewhere, and I intend to try.

Happy seventeen years of tormenting each other
Q.E.

P.s. I think that movie you said you were going to take me to go see the month before I started dating Husband pretty much sums us up: I love it, but I didn't see it until it went out of theatres.

Mother's Day

"Happy Mother's Day!" isn't always. Does your mother drive you crazy (mine does!)? How about your mother in law? (even worse)

Smile and bear it. It's the one day you should be nice. Heck, even I am.

Toliet Paper Wars pt 2

The Epic Battle:

Over Vs. Under

If you're human and you have ever cohabitated, you have at some point encounted this debate. The reasons are endless: less use, less waste, doesn't get caught in the air from the vent, more sanitary, ease of access, being able to find the end, that's the way it's always been done...

But is there really a difference?

Hell if I know.

Out of the above reasons, I chose three to tests: less use, less waste, and doesn't get caught in the air from the vent.

(Just so everyone knows where the battle lines are drawn, I'm over, Husband is under)

Less Use:

This seemed to be both true and not true. An average of 10 pulls each from my husband and I showed the following:

Over average: 4 sheets Under average: 3 sheets

range: 3-8 range: 1-6

The breaker was that when the toliet paper was rolled under, it tended to break a little easier so you'd occasionally get one sheet by accident and then have to get a few more for wipe ability.

Over all? Inconclusive.

Less Waste and Air Vent:

This is a bit of an odd category if you think of waste as using more toliet paper than you need. In this case, though, it ties in to the air vent issue in that Husband will not use toliet paper that has touched the floor.

It is, on the other hand, totally conclusive. The air from a floor vent can not usually catch and unravel toliet paper, unless you've already left a huge amount unravelled. Even then, it didn't catch as bad as it did when it was over.

Does this change my mind?

Not really. So far as I'm concerned, as a woman, I use the toliet paper more. If I want to use it over and not under, that should be my perogative.

Toliet Paper Wars part 1

So maybe I've been focusing on the sex side of things a little too much recently: after all, while sex is a huge part of marriage, it's far and away from being the last thing.

Let's talk toliet paper.

Yes, toliet paper: the killer of marriages. Over or under? Cheap, efficient, scratchy toliet paper, or expensive, soft, thick toliet paper?

My friend Sasha over at VRNV did a review the other day about vegetarian/organic foods versus meat/non organic and it inspired me to really think about the difference in toliet paper philosophies.

Husband thinks as long as toliet paper does its job, it doesn't much matter what it feels like (easy to say when it only ever gets used on your ass!) and claims that it is more cost efficient to buy cheap toliet paper.

I'm of the opinion that there is no reason to sandpaper the vag and you actually use less toliet paper when it's of a higher quality, therefore evening the price field.

So I tested the theory
I bought a package of Angel Soft (my butt. That stuff is like wiping yourself with writing paper) at $1 for 4 rolls and a package of Charmin at about 6$ for 12.

Right off the bat, let's do the math on cost per roll:
Angel Soft- $0.25 per roll Charmin- $0.50 per roll

Half the price. So right now, Angel Soft is winning.

Next, we used four rolls of each of the toliet papers to see how long it would take to use up those rolls

Angel Soft- 6 days Charmin- 12 days
Days per roll: 1.5 Days per roll: 3

Ergo, it can be assumed that either there is twice as much toliet paper on the Charmin as there is on the Angel Soft, or that less toliet paper is being used on the more expensive brand.

So: let's do the math.
Angel Soft: 4 rolls for $1 Charmin: 4 rolls for $2 (extrapolated from 12 for $6)
Cost per roll: $0.25 Cost per roll: $0.50
Days per roll: 1.5 Days per roll: 3
Cost per day: $0.16 Cost per day: $0.16

Dead Even!

Hm...I might keep this to myself...

Come back next time for....Over vs. Under

Slender G-Spot 7 Function by CalExotics

Slender g spot 7 function G-spot vibrator by California Exotic Material: Plastic / Velvet cote™ Safety: $0.00 Buy from EdenFantasys
Rating:	Vroom:	Bee:

The Great Part
I love this toy. The vibrations are strong and the pointed tip makes it easy to focus the vibes on just the right spot. The smooth velvet cote coating is gentle against tender skin and has no odor (pleasant or otherwise) Best of all (for me at least), this toy doubles as a fantastic tense muscle massager.

Getting a little more specific, the vibrations do start strong: there is no weak settings on this toy, so people looking for a gentle vibe should beware. The first three settings are a strong steady pulse; the first is pretty strong, the second stronger, and the third stronger yet. The fourth setting is two short vibrations and a long one. The fifth setting is a spaced vibration. The sixth setting is a week buzz, a space, and a stronger buzz (which makes a noise "like a robot walking" in my husband's words). The final setting starts relatively gentle and gets harder, then cycles again. Again, there is no weak setting on this toy! While not a jackhammer, it isn't far off.

The vibrations are operated via a push button on the bottom of the shaft. It isn't hard to reach, but there is just enough effort needed to press the button in to change the setting that it's very hard to do by accident and not distracting in the least. To cycle between the different settings, you just press the button until you find the one you want.

The vibrations tend to move through the whole shaft, so if you're one of those people who hates tickly hands, you may not care for the action. The point gets just as much, however, and it feels great pinpointing the clitoris or rubbing into a sore shoulder.

The noise level on this toy is pretty high, but considering the strength of the vibrations, I don't find it overly disturbing. It is definitely not something for a little sneaky fun, though.

The curve at the end of the toy made it extremely uncomfortable for me to insert vaginally more than a few inches, so I can not speak for the g-spot stimulation it touts except to say it seems to me you might have to do some contortions to get this toy in.

Shape-wise, I generally prefer a thicker toy, more along the lines of Liv by Lelo ( Liv - G-spot vibrators - Edenfantasys.com ), especially for g spot stimulation. The Slender G spot did great clitoral (which Liv also does), but not so hot in the g-spot area due to problems inserting the toy.

As I mentioned, this toy also makes a great massager. The point digs in to tough spots like a dream. The best use I've found for it in this regard is stiff shoulder and neck muscles as the shape allows you to access these relatively difficult areas with ease.


The Catch
So, hearing all this great stuff, you might be wondering why I only gave the poor thing three stars. It is simply this: I never know when it's going to work.

When I first took it out of its packaging and slid the batteries in, nothing happened. I tried switching the batteries around and nothing happened. My husband checked the batteries, blew off the connections, put it back together and got it to work....for about three minutes before it died again. We fiddled with it on and off for the rest of the night never getting more than about three minutes out of it.

Finally, it just stopped responding. We tried just about everything and I ended up messaging an admin to ask if maybe I was doing something wrong or it was a faulty product. They didn't have any extras to send, so they removed the assignment and, with much sorrow as I'd been deeply enjoying its attentions on my neck, I locked the poor little guy away as a failure.

About a week later, we were laying in bed when we heard the buzzing. I opened up the drawer to find it happily rumbling its way around the bottom. Since then, it has decided to work about two times out of every five I try to use it. I'm still not sure what the problem is, but for the most part I'm willing to put up with the problems for those quality vibes.


Now for the stats: (for all of you who skipped over the rest)
This 7 1/2 inch slim (about 2 1/2 inches in diameter) toy is smooth velvet cote over plastic with a small plastic seam at the curve and a plastic cap at the end. The bottom approximately 5 inches are straight and then the top curves gently to a blunted point. It takes two AAA batteries inserted into the bottom which has a ridged plastic cap with a rubber-topped button on the bottom.

There's no hiding that this is a sex toy (in my opinion) but the muted colors and stream lined design make it something that I would not be ashamed to have found in my luggage. The packaging isn't great for gifting or storage, but it does get it to you!

It is allegedly waterproof, but I've had so many problems with mine I'm afraid to kill it by submerging it. I wash it off with anti-bacterial soap when I'm done and buff it dry. It doesn't attract dust the way silicone or jelly do, so it stays pretty clean wrapped in a cloth or slipped into a bag. The only fear I would have cleaning it is the small plastic seam at the beginning of the curve: I've been taking special care to clean it out with a brush to ensure cleanliness, but it may gather bacteria if improperly cleaned.

This toy can be used with water based lubricants only so far as I can tell, but there are many good options on the site to chose from, so never fear!

Mentioned in this review:

clone it

Fake Orgasms

What woman has never faked an orgasm for whatever reason?

What man can really tell the difference?

I was reading a book the other day while in bed with Husband that stated that 40% of married men think that their wives have faked orgasms (dismally and incorrectly low if you ask me) and 97% think they would be able to tell if their wives were faking.

I laughed. So hard. Husband asked why and I explained the passage to him. He thought about it for a minute and finally said, "I think I'd be able to tell." I asked him if he thought I ever had and he said he certainly hoped not.

Case in point. I definitely have. On more than one occasion.

Granted, there's the school of thought that says you shouldn't fake it lest you teach them bad habits (Isn't that an odd way of saying it? Like training a dog.) but isn't it nice sometimes, especially when the fact that you aren't orgasming has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you, to let them think they're doing it right? I've always thought so. Especially when, for one reason or another, I'm not up for a long, drawn-out session.

Ok, baring myself to potential jealousy here but Husband will not fuck me unless he's already gotten me off once and he will not finish unless he's gotten me off.

This can sound great, but it is horrible when I'm having an off day and the orgasm isn't coming: he can literally finger/tongue/fuck me raw and nothing is happening, even if it takes an hour or more. And saying "I'm really not feeling it today" always gets me this kicked puppy look like I've just broken his universe.

So what do you think?
Ladies, do you fake it? Why or why not?
Gents, do you think you can tell?

Bi and into older men?

I was baffled today to realize as I flipped through a series of posts, profiles, and articles that many bisexual women with a hetero lean (that is to say, women who have their primary relationships with men but are open to women) seem to prefer their male partners to be 10 or more years older.

Coincidence? I'm not sure.

Ok, so I know I'm probably really behind the times in laughing at this man, but really? How dumb do you have to be?

http://www.weirdasianews.com/2008/08/07/man-almost-loses-penis-humping-steel-bench/

Then, let's talk about his equally dumb counterpart:

http://www.weirdasianews.com/2008/09/01/man-gets-nut-stuck-around-penis/


All I gotta say is that you never see women being that dumb.

Same old, same old

I just read this and I swear the lightbulb went on over my head. Our minds don't wander because we're bored with our partners, but because we're so used to them, their reactions, and their bodies, that we've turned on auto pilot. It isn't that we don't love them, but that we love them and they love us so much that we've made a habit out of pleasing them.

Perhaps try to shake it up a little more in the bedroom (or other rooms!) Try new things, find new ways to please yourself and your partner!

I was wondering today when it was that I stopped feeling the need to be around Husband whenever possible:
Did it come with availability? When we got married or when we first started really dating and I could pretty much be with him whenever I wanted.
Did it come when we started cohabitating?
Was it some little thing he did or said?
Was it some odd seemingly reasonless internal distinction?

I don't know, but I do know that now, while I love Husband and generally like being around him, I sometimes need to be in a space for a few hours that he is not and that I know he is not suddenly going to appear in.

I don't see it as a lack of love or affection, but rather a basic human urge to have a space and time to simply exist without having to think of others and their needs, no matter how simple. (A call across the house "I love you" while doing something else demanding a response)

I was interested to discuss with the Philosopher recently the differences in the idea of "privacy" between different cultures. In America, we expect our own spaces, our own things, and the ability to share or withold information. In the Philosopher's country, all rooms (excepting, I think, the bathroom) are communal and people pass in and out at will, things may be borrowed without even asking on the assumption (presumption being the wrong word as it seems to imply wrongful assumption) that people will bring those items back, and thoughts are shared or a person is thought to be cold.

I couldn't help but wonder, if that is how the whole community treats you, what's so special about marriage?

Desire Roller Coaster

I read an article recently in Psychology Today (I'll post the link when it goes up next month if I remember; if I forget it's Learning to Lust in June 2010) discussing how women tend to have a big decline in desire the longer a relationship goes on.

I was fascinated to see so many things that seemed to pertain to me:

• Women tend to take care of their partners in a commited relationship, leaving them feeling like their partner is less a partner and more a dependent family member (and I think most people would agree that family is not sexy)
• Constant presence of your partner lowers their "novelty" and the ability to have sex whenever you want it lowers the urgency to have it
• Not feeling exceptionally appreciated as you would when someone first sees you as attractive (What's sexier, your spouse saying "That looks nice." or someone you don't know saying "You're hot."?)
• Women tend to multi-task even when we shouldn't. We're thinking about the dishes, the bills, whether or not the doors are locked...As we become more and more sure of our partners, our minds drift, assured that they don't need 100% of our attention.

The magazine recommended trying to be more "mindful" and "in the moment", pointing out that while men who have a hard-on only tangentially think of other things, a physically aroused women may not be mentally desirous in the slightest.

What do you think?

Obligatory Sex: Is it ever good?

We all know that kind of sex. The kind where your significant other (usually, sorry fellas, a man) has been sighing and hinting and nagging and basically just making a pain of themselves letting you know that however often you're having sex, it isn't enough.

And sometimes we give in: we're tired of the sighing. We're tired of the really obvious hints ("You know, we could take this in the bedroom..."). We're tired of "You know, when we first got together we had sex all the time." So you just do it so they'll shut the heck up.

And it does shut them up. For a while. Then they want to know why you're just not into it. Or why it "Always seems like you're only doing it because I want to."

First off, to the gents: if you nag your lady enough, she will fuck you. She will also generally do it in the most prefunctionary way humanly possible with the sole goal of getting you off so she can get on with it. Surely this isn't fun for you? It sure isn't very fun for us.

To the ladies: I know it'll sound like I'm coming from the man's side here, but try not to let it get that bad. Fantasize about Brad Pitt if you must, but don't get into the resentment cycle of obligatory sex.

It goes like this:

1. Partner A's desire begins to wane (due to hormones, or nature, or work, or whatever. Maybe Partner B is being an ass, who knows?)
2. Sex tapers off
3. Partner B begins to feel that there isn't enough sex
4. Partner B begins to press for sex via hints, touching, nagging, etc
5. Partner A gives in and has sex, even though totally not in the mood. Resents Partner B for obliviousness to lack of desire.
6. Partner B goes about happy for a few days, blissfully unaware that they are irritating A with their continued ignorance of the desire imbalance
7. Partner A's desire levels further plummet, resulting in even less sex

And back to beginning. Bad. Bad. BAD.

First, if you're not into it, you need to say as much. You are not ever obligated to take care of someone else just because they want it.

Second, try initiating occasionally. Do things you like to do so you can turn yourself on. Don't rely on your partner to guess what will get you in the mood and what won't.

Finally, every so often obligatory sex is okay: when the sex is motivated not by your partner's nagging, but by the feeling that you want to give them pleasure even if you aren't feeling it, you may find yourself more in the mood than you though.

Because we just need more invasion of privacy

http://www.spokeo.com Can find almost anything about you on the web. Isn't that lovely?

Fortunately mine, at least, is pretty darned innacurate.

Dear Local Population,

You really should not make derogatory comments in potentially mixed company. If you don't know a person well, you have no reason to assume their religion, sexual orientation, or political leanings. And really, you shouldn't be saying nasty stuff like that anyway as you never know who will overhear you.

Thanks,
Quinn

Sometimes I meander EdenFantasys and just run into something that I know I must have next time I place an order.

Among these are:

Club vibe - Strap-on vibrator - EdenFantasys

Satisfy her massager - Clitoral stimulators

Nexus iStim - Electro stimulator - EdenFantasys

Ember - Massage candle - EdenFantasys

Getting used to the cuddles

I've discovered recently that Husband is almost incapable of sleeping (in the bed) without me there as well. He'll wake up within 20 minutes of me getting up, unless he's been out drinking, and come to ask what's wrong, why I'm not in bed. Then he tosses and turns until I come back to bed.

Conversely, despite nearly two years of marriage, I sleep so much better while he's not in the bed.
A. he snores. Loudly.
B. he kicks in his sleep when he's been out drinking
C. he gets really really hot in his sleep and usually ends up sweating
D. he makes his side of the bed dent down so I'm constantly rolling towards him in my sleep
E. he just doesn't hold still.

Conclusion? We need a bigger bed.

Sometimes you get a nice new toy and can't wait to try it out. Then, the toy doesn't work. The poor Slender G Spot 7 Function showed such great promise, but there seemed to be an issue with the connections and it stopped working shortly after arrival.

That said, if they'd let me exchange it for a working model, I definitely would! It was the most utterly fantastic stiff-muscle massager I've ever come accross, and the lower settings were perfectly suitable for more inimate massage.

It was a little on the loud side (as Husband put it, "It goes from hum to airplane taking off"), but the vibes were almost as strong as the noise, so I didn't mind.

Alas, that's as far as I can really review (which is why it isn't reviewed by me on the site). Oh Slender: why hast thou deserted me?

I think most people are vaguely aware of China's One Child Policy (enacted to keep the population from outstripping resources) but despite the assumed barbarity of the policy, it's been pretty tame up until now.

Check this link out

The question this really raised with me was Why weren't these people sterilized as soon as they had their one child?

I know, by American standards, I've just asked the wrong question. But the point is, it is against the country's law for these people to have more than one child. As such, should they not give the most effective means of prevention possible against future pregnancy? Not only does this prevent law breaking, but it would allow for safer and less rushed operations.

Kids These Days...

If you go to a school with a 25 to 1 ratio of male to female students, it seems to me that you really shouldn't let those male students know you're looking for someone.

I guess some people though are just glutons for punishment.

Alright, I've met it - The fantasy/kink that totally turns me off.

Husband has decided that he's into anal. On him. For some reason, this just totally switches me off to the point where all I'm thinking the whole time is "This is so wrong."

Am I a bad person for not being able to at least participate in this particular kink? I don't know. But I can't.

Some more amusement for the NSFW crowd

Weird Asian News has posted a whole bunch of information today on "The Pink Penis Festival" (not the Japanese name for it, mind you) and I thought I'd share the amusement:

Penis Pops

Also, a little belatedly, they've spotted the Tenga Fliphole, an item that has been out for quite a while in the US, so probably even longer in Japan.

The best husband on earth!

Up to this point, my husband has been more than a little leery of my "toys". They live in their little cubbard, and he sort of avoids seeing or thinking about them (other than the very unthreatening Liv)

Yesterday was a breakthrough! He pulled out Revolution and just went to town on me. There is absolutely nothing I can think of that could have been sexier. It really seemed to turn him on too.

The beginning of a new era?

It's always nice to hear about steps in the direction of equality

Open Relationships

I'll start this off by saying Husband and I do not have an open relationship, so all of this post is opinion and conjecture.

Whenever two consenting adults enter into any relationship, ground rules must be established between them. In some cases, it's as simple as "toliet paper goes over, not under". In others, its as complicated as working out what an "open" relationship is.

Possibly the worst moment in negotiating an open relationship is bringing it up (I have been here). You don't know what your partner is going to say, how they're going to react, or what ripples it will cause in your future. You also don't know what they're going to assume about your reasoning:

Husband assumed I was interested so I could be with women as well as him. While I won't say that wasn't also on my agenda, it wasn't a big part and I told him as much.

Then the real negotiations begin: what do you want? what do they want? What do each or neither of you not want?

In my case, this is where it ended in failure.

However, I suspect that there are people out there who can come to a reasonable, mutual decision and thereafter enjoy an open relationship without any harm to the original pairing. It's a matter of comfort, security, and being able to create a situation that both parties agree on and feel comfortable with.

Sometimes laying out in the sun with the wind blowing over your bare skin is just one of the sexiest feelings on earth.

I don't know if I just read so many positive reviews that any negative review is going to sound funny or if it's just this particular reviewer but if you're looking for a good laugh today, you need to check out

Carrie Anne's review of the Hitachi Fairy

At bottom right is a new banner on the page for Paperbackswap. They've had almost everything I've wanted to read so far and I'd venture to say I've saved about 50$ a month on books just by joining. Check them out!

What do you consider an emotional affair?

Generally speaking, I would consider it one in which a person already entered into a commited relationship of some sort witholds part of themselves from that relationship and turns it elsewhere. Strangely enough, I don't think this necessarily needs another person.

For example: fantasies. Your significant other, if they aren't sharing their fantasies, are in a way having an affair with those fantasies. You are being emotionally blocked off from some aspect of them.

This could also mean partner/s. Your significant other could be more mentally/emotionally intimate with other people than with you.

Is this cheating? Not in my opinion. I think everyone has their secrets and your mind is the only thing that will ever truly belong 100% to you. How you chose to spread it around is up to you.

Pressing Fantasies

Now I know we all have fantasies and that, ideally, we should be able to share them with our significant others whether either of you intend to act them out or not.

But I think everyone should be warned about pressing your fantasies on your partner. Basically what I mean is when you have a fantasy regarding something you wish your partner would do or what and you project it on to them pressuring (or guilting) them into claiming to have that fantasy.

Husband has a thing for the idea of me with a young woman, introducing her to the pleasures of a female-female relationship. This is definitely not my thing: when I'm in to women, I like more mature (read: bustier) women and my interest generally ends at the waist. However, Husband has somehow gotten it into his head that this is my fantasy too.

For a while, it didn't bother me and I'd just play along. After a while though, I realized that it wasn't helping the relationship for me to lie to him like this and it might eventually be harmful. So I told him quite bluntly that "twiggy things" just don't do it for me and "vaginas are just gross".

I think he's still pouting.

Bi-sexual Blunders

I got a little irked today reading some posts about people who were labelled straight or homosexual because their current (or majority) partners were one sex or the other despite their assertation that they were in fact bisexual.

The way I see it, sexuality is a sort of slider: there's really truly deeply straight, really truly deeply homosexual, and then there's a huge area in the middle that goes both ways. I am personally a little more towards the hetero end, but still in the gray.

Generally speaking, I think most people are somewhere in the grey, but I respect their right to place themselves wherever they want. Basically, I just think it's extremely rude to assume you know someone's sexuality better than they do.

Am currently feeling rather irked at The Reader and The Buff. Despite years of on-off (just in a "haven't had time to talk" way, not in an "I hate you and never want to talk to you again" way) friendship, neither ever visits or calls me when they're in town. Well, unless they're bored and have nothing else to do.

Remember what I said a few posts back about lack of female friends? Yeah, that's why I treasure these two. But apparently it doesn't go both ways.


Ok, pout over. Sorry about that.

Introductions

Well, I've done a lot of writing in the last few days, but those posts are set to auto-post at a future date, just so things aren't too close for comfort.

Anyway, I was writing and realized that other than saying I didn't have anywhere to look myself up, I really didn't introduce myself.

Hi, I'm Quinn. (At least that's what you'll know me as)

I'm a 20-something woman married to an older man. I'm BFB (bi for boobs), into a lot of kinky stuff, and I don't like to talk before, after, or during sex. I'm in college (I shan't say what year or degree) working, and very lazy about the house. I write, read, play several musical instruments, sing in the shower, draw, and enjoy collecting wigs. Just for fun.

Oh, and I'm a little OCD. Like...well, I shan't get specific because my OCDs are pretty unique in combination, I think.


And here's a quick key to some of the characters you'll probably be hearing about:

• Husband self explanatory
• B my sister
• Momster my mother
• The Ear his mom
• Dad mine
• Lay-z-boy his dad
• OC althought explained in an earlier post, I'll go ahead and say he's an old crush I'm not totally over
• The Cow OC's girlfriend
• Reader close friend, probably best friend.
• Gma my grandmother
• And various other less regularly scheduled characters.

Weird nightmares

Last night I had a whole series of nightmares about me dying. Something different every time.





For some reason it kind of turned me on.

Touching

I recently reviewed a copy of the Kama Sutra rather harshly for its lack of positions and emphasis on "touching"

But I got to thinking; maybe that's what we should all be trying to get back to. Remember when you liked someone and those first few times you touched them, anywhere, it was terribly exciting? You felt a little thrill whenever you skin touched theirs, however briefly and just catching a wiff of the way they smell would make your heart flutter?

That's what I'd like to get back to, anyway.

"What are you thinking about?"

Do not utter the above words unless you really want to know. This is not something to casually say during sex; more along the lines of something you say whilst trying to figure out why your partner is so mad at you.

Another reason not to say it during sex? It's really distracting. Here I am, enjoying a nice long fantasty about whatever floats my boat that day (in this particular instance, secretary skirts and kinky desk ties) when all of a sudden, I'm interrupted by "Whatchoo thinkin' about?" It's the mental equivilent of a commercial break for gum right in the middle of a porno. Not hot. Very aggravating.

"I love you" is ok. So is "Oh Baby" and varients there of. I've learned over the years to tune that out to keep on with what I'm doing. "Whatchoo thinkin' bout?" requires an answer, thus I have to dredge myself up to satisfy your needs (and wasn't I already doing that?) If you want loving banter, please approach me for it outside the bedroom where I'll be happy to oblige. When I'm in the mood, I don't want to talk, I want to fuck. Ok?

Gents, let me share a secret with you: sometimes when your girlfriend/wife seems to be agreeing with all the things you fantasize about her fantasizing about, she's just trying to get you to come so you will finish up and let her go to sleep.

How to tell?

If your significant other is really interested, the least you'll get is an "mmmm....", but more likely you'll get an elaboration on the story. "Does it turn you on to think about sucking on another woman's tits?" "Oh yeah...they're so smooth and soft and just...yum!"

If you keep getting a bunch of "mhm", "yeah", "maybe" and other such monotone (or fakely cheery) answers, she just wants you to get it over with.

I'll tell you another secret...

Not all women like to talk during sex! (see next post)

There was a point in my life where I wouldn't even need this kind of thing to talk about what was going on- I'd just talk about it with one of my close female friends. However, I've found as time went by that one of two things happened:

One:
I dropped them because, despite my physical sex, my mental sex (or lack thereof, however it suits you to see it) does not care for the constant jostling and mind games of female friendships. If I tell you not to tell anybody, I mean it (not "only your nearest and dearest", or "only the entire Sociology class") and if I tell you I won't tell anybody, I mean it. I won't use information as a lever to get what I want, I won't be snide for no reason, and I will be honest. (see number Two)

Two:
They dropped me because I am, as mentioned above, honest. I will tell them when their boyfriends/girlfriends suck and why. I will tell them when they're being jerks, what I feel will help them, and I will try to prevent them from doing anything exceptionally stupid if possible.

Two A:
I am always right when I say that someone is going to break up with them. Maybe it's the masculine side of my brain tuning into the male signals, I don't know for sure, but if I say Boy A is going to dump your ass in a week, he does. This is apparently bad for relationship morale and I am ever afterwards blamed for the dumping, even though all I did was predict it.

Two B:
If you want to ruin a budding friendship, there doesn't seem to be a better way to do it than to say "You're really being an ass right now." Totally disregard how true the statement might be, that's just how it works.

Two C:
Try to help people. This is no win:

• If you help them and it works, they wonder what would have happened if they did it their way (I.e. Would it have turned out even better?)
• If you offer them help and they don't take it but it works out, you are an idiot
• If you offer them help and they don't take it but it doesn't work out, they think you think they're an idiot. Cue resentment
• If you help them and it doesn't work, then it is your fault

Two D:

Try to keep them from doing stupid things. First off, no one likes being called stupid. Secondly, they'll often do it just to spite you and then end up blaming you for the bad results (Let's cue the ranting of H, who had a baby with a guy who was getting ready to break up with her because I told her it was a bad idea: "You practically called me an idiot! I know what's best for me!" He's left her, she hates children, and all concerned are now stuck with the results)

You know those moments with your significant other where you just know they love you and that you love them?

I'm down with a cold today (thanks to B, my sister) and Husband comes in with a steaming mug of tea and kisses me on the forehead and tells me it's chamomile and lavender. He even checked to make sure it was uncaffienated.

Guys: it really is the simple stuff that counts.

Woops

Serious sour grapes moment a minute ago:

Looking at a picture of OC and The Cow (his girl) and I found myself thinking the following

• obviously he has no taste in women because she is SO unnattractive
• His ears are big
• he squints when he smiles
• he looks like a surfer dork
• he is a dork
• he never writes/calls anyway

Had a scare last night: we're laying in bed and Husband says "Do you love me?" in that tone of voice that suggests that something, somewhere, has given him the idea you don't.

Panic! Has he found this blog? Has he suddenly gained the ability to read minds? Did he read my stories and realize some paralells?

"Of course I do..."

"So it didn't weird you out that it turned me on to see you and your sister hugging each other?" Oh sweet gods! Is that what this is about? What a joke!

"Of course not."

And, relieved, the sweet man took himself in hand (quite literally).

How does it go again..?

I only ever seem to read, see, or hear two reactions from married women: blissfully happy (even if stressed) or "desperate".

I don't think I really fit either of these two categories (and I hope I don't give anyone the impression that I do) I love Husband, he's a great guy. Our life is pretty comfortable, even if it isn't extravagant. We don't have any children to stress us or our budget, so that isn't an issue.

So what is the lingering dissatisfaction in my married life? Good question. I have a few theories:

1. Consumer Overload: basically I'm from a generation offered so many choices about so many things that we're always wondering if something else might be just a bit better.
2. Poor relationship role models: Yes, I know it's completely trite to blame this sort of thing on your parents, but I think some part of my mind questions any "loving" relationship as the flipside to mental/emotional abuse.
3. Innately semi-masculine mind: desire for newer, better, sexier, creature for jolly fun. Disinclination to commit to any one person, no matter how wonderful.
4. Husband is too much like my father: He's a nerd, he fiddles with things that aren't broken...
5. Husband is not enough like my father: Sometimes he's a little too like my mother: passive aggressive, whiny, needy, OCD.
6. Simply not a nice person: 'nough said.

So what's the most likely, or is it something totally different? No clue.

Rather left everything hanging last night...See, it's pretty scary when you're as young as I am and can't remember things as you "should". Perhaps some of those people commenting on how cellphones destroy the ability to remember things are correct, at least in part. (Though phonenumbers aren't one of the things I forget....how odd)

Anyway.

Husband and I had a talk last night about fantasies and whether or not you should share all of your fantasies with your spouse. He, firmly for. Me, firmly against.

His reasoning (spoken, at least)

• you love each other, you should know how to make each other as happy as possible
• honesty is important
• if you love each other enough, nothing will be appalling.

My reasoning (spoken and unspoken)

• No matter how much you love each other, some things are just a little too weird
• Honesty is overrated as long as it doesn't relate to disease or fidelity
• Sometimes I like to think about sex with other men, do you really want to hear about that?
• Quite often I think of one particular man you hate, O(ld)C(crush), and I figure you'd probably disown me if you knew
• Despite your claim to wanting to make your partner happy, a fair number of fantasies I have told you are still sitting ignored on your mental shelf. (At least I can safely say I've tried just about everything you've brought up and those I haven't, I've explained why)

So which of us is right? Personally, I feel it probably depends on the relationship. If a couple is composed of more stable components than myself, it might be well-possible, or even advisable, to share thoughts. Goodness, you'd like to fuck me from behind? How wild!

But, between myself and Husband, I think this would just be a bomb waiting to explode. Every time after that he'd be wondering why I thought of other men, why OC. And that can't really be good for anyone's mental health.

A good start

I was reading another blog today when it suddenly occurred to me: I have no real record of my life. I used to keep journals, until I found out my mother was reading them. I tried Livejournal briefly (Too many people whining about their really not so bad lives), but after that I just gave up. How to write what you really think without running the risk of people figuring out what you think of them (in a bad way)?

But it is settled! I "Quinn", am going to record, to the best of my ability, the truth of my day to day (or however often something significant happens)