This is an adult-themed blog in which sex, love, relationships, and violence are discussed. It should be considered 18+.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Am I the only one who wonders how this guy could possibly pass as a woman?

Friday, May 21, 2010

Wouldn't this be lovely?

I wonder what they do if the parent changes their mind, though...

Monday, May 17, 2010

Simple things

Sometimes all I really need for a warm glowing moment of happiness is hearing him say how sexy I am.

And sometimes all I have to do is thinking about him fucking me over a desk at work.

Sorry coworkers...

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Dear OC,

I still have a thing for you, even though I know I shouldn't. I wish you'd never kissed me, that we never talked about getting together. But in a lot of ways I also wish that we'd talked more, been together more, done more of anything. Because while my husband accepts me as who and what I am (a selfish, lazy person with serious only child issues), you always understood why I was that way. We're so similar to each other that you drive me crazy pretty much all the time in both good ways and bad. You're also the only person I've ever felt self-concious around. I'm not sure what to think of that.

The point is now, though, that I need to turn my thoughts elsewhere, and I intend to try.

Happy seventeen years of tormenting each other

P.s. I think that movie you said you were going to take me to go see the month before I started dating Husband pretty much sums us up: I love it, but I didn't see it until it went out of theatres.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Mother's Day

"Happy Mother's Day!" isn't always. Does your mother drive you crazy (mine does!)? How about your mother in law? (even worse)

Smile and bear it. It's the one day you should be nice. Heck, even I am.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Toliet Paper Wars pt 2

The Epic Battle:

Over Vs. Under

If you're human and you have ever cohabitated, you have at some point encounted this debate. The reasons are endless: less use, less waste, doesn't get caught in the air from the vent, more sanitary, ease of access, being able to find the end, that's the way it's always been done...

But is there really a difference?

Hell if I know.

Out of the above reasons, I chose three to tests: less use, less waste, and doesn't get caught in the air from the vent.

(Just so everyone knows where the battle lines are drawn, I'm over, Husband is under)

Less Use:

This seemed to be both true and not true. An average of 10 pulls each from my husband and I showed the following:

Over average: 4 sheets Under average: 3 sheets

range: 3-8 range: 1-6

The breaker was that when the toliet paper was rolled under, it tended to break a little easier so you'd occasionally get one sheet by accident and then have to get a few more for wipe ability.

Over all? Inconclusive.

Less Waste and Air Vent:

This is a bit of an odd category if you think of waste as using more toliet paper than you need. In this case, though, it ties in to the air vent issue in that Husband will not use toliet paper that has touched the floor.

It is, on the other hand, totally conclusive. The air from a floor vent can not usually catch and unravel toliet paper, unless you've already left a huge amount unravelled. Even then, it didn't catch as bad as it did when it was over.

Does this change my mind?

Not really. So far as I'm concerned, as a woman, I use the toliet paper more. If I want to use it over and not under, that should be my perogative.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Toliet Paper Wars part 1

So maybe I've been focusing on the sex side of things a little too much recently: after all, while sex is a huge part of marriage, it's far and away from being the last thing.

Let's talk toliet paper.

Yes, toliet paper: the killer of marriages. Over or under? Cheap, efficient, scratchy toliet paper, or expensive, soft, thick toliet paper?

My friend Sasha over at VRNV did a review the other day about vegetarian/organic foods versus meat/non organic and it inspired me to really think about the difference in toliet paper philosophies.

Husband thinks as long as toliet paper does its job, it doesn't much matter what it feels like (easy to say when it only ever gets used on your ass!) and claims that it is more cost efficient to buy cheap toliet paper.

I'm of the opinion that there is no reason to sandpaper the vag and you actually use less toliet paper when it's of a higher quality, therefore evening the price field.

So I tested the theory
I bought a package of Angel Soft (my butt. That stuff is like wiping yourself with writing paper) at $1 for 4 rolls and a package of Charmin at about 6$ for 12.

Right off the bat, let's do the math on cost per roll:
Angel Soft- $0.25 per roll Charmin- $0.50 per roll

Half the price. So right now, Angel Soft is winning.

Next, we used four rolls of each of the toliet papers to see how long it would take to use up those rolls

Angel Soft- 6 days Charmin- 12 days
Days per roll: 1.5 Days per roll: 3

Ergo, it can be assumed that either there is twice as much toliet paper on the Charmin as there is on the Angel Soft, or that less toliet paper is being used on the more expensive brand.

So: let's do the math.
Angel Soft: 4 rolls for $1 Charmin: 4 rolls for $2 (extrapolated from 12 for $6)
Cost per roll: $0.25 Cost per roll: $0.50
Days per roll: 1.5 Days per roll: 3
Cost per day: $0.16 Cost per day: $0.16

Dead Even!

Hm...I might keep this to myself...

Come back next time for....Over vs. Under

Friday, May 7, 2010

Slender G-Spot 7 Function by CalExotics

product picture
G-spot vibrator by California Exotic
Material: Plastic / Velvet cote™

The Great Part
I love this toy. The vibrations are strong and the pointed tip makes it easy to focus the vibes on just the right spot. The smooth velvet cote coating is gentle against tender skin and has no odor (pleasant or otherwise) Best of all (for me at least), this toy doubles as a fantastic tense muscle massager.

Getting a little more specific, the vibrations do start strong: there is no weak settings on this toy, so people looking for a gentle vibe should beware. The first three settings are a strong steady pulse; the first is pretty strong, the second stronger, and the third stronger yet. The fourth setting is two short vibrations and a long one. The fifth setting is a spaced vibration. The sixth setting is a week buzz, a space, and a stronger buzz (which makes a noise "like a robot walking" in my husband's words). The final setting starts relatively gentle and gets harder, then cycles again. Again, there is no weak setting on this toy! While not a jackhammer, it isn't far off.

The vibrations are operated via a push button on the bottom of the shaft. It isn't hard to reach, but there is just enough effort needed to press the button in to change the setting that it's very hard to do by accident and not distracting in the least. To cycle between the different settings, you just press the button until you find the one you want.

The vibrations tend to move through the whole shaft, so if you're one of those people who hates tickly hands, you may not care for the action. The point gets just as much, however, and it feels great pinpointing the clitoris or rubbing into a sore shoulder.

The noise level on this toy is pretty high, but considering the strength of the vibrations, I don't find it overly disturbing. It is definitely not something for a little sneaky fun, though.

The curve at the end of the toy made it extremely uncomfortable for me to insert vaginally more than a few inches, so I can not speak for the g-spot stimulation it touts except to say it seems to me you might have to do some contortions to get this toy in.
Shape-wise, I generally prefer a thicker toy, more along the lines of Liv by Lelo ( Liv - G-spot vibrators - ), especially for g spot stimulation. The Slender G spot did great clitoral (which Liv also does), but not so hot in the g-spot area due to problems inserting the toy.

As I mentioned, this toy also makes a great massager. The point digs in to tough spots like a dream. The best use I've found for it in this regard is stiff shoulder and neck muscles as the shape allows you to access these relatively difficult areas with ease.

The Catch
So, hearing all this great stuff, you might be wondering why I only gave the poor thing three stars. It is simply this: I never know when it's going to work.

When I first took it out of its packaging and slid the batteries in, nothing happened. I tried switching the batteries around and nothing happened. My husband checked the batteries, blew off the connections, put it back together and got it to work....for about three minutes before it died again. We fiddled with it on and off for the rest of the night never getting more than about three minutes out of it.

Finally, it just stopped responding. We tried just about everything and I ended up messaging an admin to ask if maybe I was doing something wrong or it was a faulty product. They didn't have any extras to send, so they removed the assignment and, with much sorrow as I'd been deeply enjoying its attentions on my neck, I locked the poor little guy away as a failure.

About a week later, we were laying in bed when we heard the buzzing. I opened up the drawer to find it happily rumbling its way around the bottom. Since then, it has decided to work about two times out of every five I try to use it. I'm still not sure what the problem is, but for the most part I'm willing to put up with the problems for those quality vibes.

Now for the stats: (for all of you who skipped over the rest)
This 7 1/2 inch slim (about 2 1/2 inches in diameter) toy is smooth velvet cote over plastic with a small plastic seam at the curve and a plastic cap at the end. The bottom approximately 5 inches are straight and then the top curves gently to a blunted point. It takes two AAA batteries inserted into the bottom which has a ridged plastic cap with a rubber-topped button on the bottom.

There's no hiding that this is a sex toy (in my opinion) but the muted colors and stream lined design make it something that I would not be ashamed to have found in my luggage. The packaging isn't great for gifting or storage, but it does get it to you!

It is allegedly waterproof, but I've had so many problems with mine I'm afraid to kill it by submerging it. I wash it off with anti-bacterial soap when I'm done and buff it dry. It doesn't attract dust the way silicone or jelly do, so it stays pretty clean wrapped in a cloth or slipped into a bag. The only fear I would have cleaning it is the small plastic seam at the beginning of the curve: I've been taking special care to clean it out with a brush to ensure cleanliness, but it may gather bacteria if improperly cleaned.

This toy can be used with water based lubricants only so far as I can tell, but there are many good options on the site to chose from, so never fear!

Mentioned in this review:

clone it

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Fake Orgasms

What woman has never faked an orgasm for whatever reason?

What man can really tell the difference?

I was reading a book the other day while in bed with Husband that stated that 40% of married men think that their wives have faked orgasms (dismally and incorrectly low if you ask me) and 97% think they would be able to tell if their wives were faking.

I laughed. So hard. Husband asked why and I explained the passage to him. He thought about it for a minute and finally said, "I think I'd be able to tell." I asked him if he thought I ever had and he said he certainly hoped not.

Case in point. I definitely have. On more than one occasion.

Granted, there's the school of thought that says you shouldn't fake it lest you teach them bad habits (Isn't that an odd way of saying it? Like training a dog.) but isn't it nice sometimes, especially when the fact that you aren't orgasming has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you, to let them think they're doing it right? I've always thought so. Especially when, for one reason or another, I'm not up for a long, drawn-out session.

Ok, baring myself to potential jealousy here but Husband will not fuck me unless he's already gotten me off once and he will not finish unless he's gotten me off.

This can sound great, but it is horrible when I'm having an off day and the orgasm isn't coming: he can literally finger/tongue/fuck me raw and nothing is happening, even if it takes an hour or more. And saying "I'm really not feeling it today" always gets me this kicked puppy look like I've just broken his universe.

So what do you think?
Ladies, do you fake it? Why or why not?
Gents, do you think you can tell?

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Bi and into older men?

I was baffled today to realize as I flipped through a series of posts, profiles, and articles that many bisexual women with a hetero lean (that is to say, women who have their primary relationships with men but are open to women) seem to prefer their male partners to be 10 or more years older.

Coincidence? I'm not sure.
Ok, so I know I'm probably really behind the times in laughing at this man, but really? How dumb do you have to be?

Then, let's talk about his equally dumb counterpart:

All I gotta say is that you never see women being that dumb.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Same old, same old

I just read this and I swear the lightbulb went on over my head. Our minds don't wander because we're bored with our partners, but because we're so used to them, their reactions, and their bodies, that we've turned on auto pilot. It isn't that we don't love them, but that we love them and they love us so much that we've made a habit out of pleasing them.

Perhaps try to shake it up a little more in the bedroom (or other rooms!) Try new things, find new ways to please yourself and your partner!

Saturday, May 1, 2010

I was wondering today when it was that I stopped feeling the need to be around Husband whenever possible:
Did it come with availability? When we got married or when we first started really dating and I could pretty much be with him whenever I wanted.
Did it come when we started cohabitating?
Was it some little thing he did or said?
Was it some odd seemingly reasonless internal distinction?

I don't know, but I do know that now, while I love Husband and generally like being around him, I sometimes need to be in a space for a few hours that he is not and that I know he is not suddenly going to appear in.

I don't see it as a lack of love or affection, but rather a basic human urge to have a space and time to simply exist without having to think of others and their needs, no matter how simple. (A call across the house "I love you" while doing something else demanding a response)

I was interested to discuss with the Philosopher recently the differences in the idea of "privacy" between different cultures. In America, we expect our own spaces, our own things, and the ability to share or withold information. In the Philosopher's country, all rooms (excepting, I think, the bathroom) are communal and people pass in and out at will, things may be borrowed without even asking on the assumption (presumption being the wrong word as it seems to imply wrongful assumption) that people will bring those items back, and thoughts are shared or a person is thought to be cold.

I couldn't help but wonder, if that is how the whole community treats you, what's so special about marriage?