This is an adult-themed blog in which sex, love, relationships, and violence are discussed. It should be considered 18+.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Desire Roller Coaster

I read an article recently in Psychology Today (I'll post the link when it goes up next month if I remember; if I forget it's Learning to Lust in June 2010) discussing how women tend to have a big decline in desire the longer a relationship goes on.

I was fascinated to see so many things that seemed to pertain to me:
  • Women tend to take care of their partners in a commited relationship, leaving them feeling like their partner is less a partner and more a dependent family member (and I think most people would agree that family is not sexy)
  • Constant presence of your partner lowers their "novelty" and the ability to have sex whenever you want it lowers the urgency to have it
  • Not feeling exceptionally appreciated as you would when someone first sees you as attractive (What's sexier, your spouse saying "That looks nice." or someone you don't know saying "You're hot."?)
  • Women tend to multi-task even when we shouldn't. We're thinking about the dishes, the bills, whether or not the doors are locked...As we become more and more sure of our partners, our minds drift, assured that they don't need 100% of our attention.

The magazine recommended trying to be more "mindful" and "in the moment", pointing out that while men who have a hard-on only tangentially think of other things, a physically aroused women may not be mentally desirous in the slightest.

What do you think?

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